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Divorce: Secrets To Coping With A Divorce Announcement

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During a wedding ceremony, when people are joined together inmatrimony, they swear and vow to honor and respect each otherand to remain partners both during good and bad times.

But in most marriages, this is not always the case.

One out of every two marriages in America is failingand will explode in divorce.

It takes two people to make a marriage succeed.

Marriages fail because of the differences in the two peopleinvolved, because of conflicts and various problems in life.

Here are some marital insights to help you to cope with a divorce announcement.

No one is perfect, and happiness in life is a matter of learningfrom our mistakes.

There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted upon awoman than the announcement by her husband that he wants adivorce.

Even if both parties have "seen it coming" for some time, and the announcement really comes as no big surprise, the actualannouncement is quite similar to a bomb exploding in yourface.

It can be difficult to finally admit that the person you held handswith so many years ago, and promised to love - honor - and obey- to be supportive of, to stand beside in good times and bad -through sickness and health - for richer or poorer -who no longer wantsyou or your love, has turned out not to be an angel as you originallythought and believed but a monster.

When you first hear the announcement for a divorce from yourspouse, it may sound unreal, and difficult to believe.

You may be thrown into a cyclone of self-denial.

It may take time to sink in your head.

And when it finally sinks inside, you may be overcome with afeeling of betrayal, then guilt, then hot anger and finally perhaps rage.

You've to understand that these feelings are normal and don'tlet them destroy the rest of your life.

It is of the utmost importance that when you face this kind ofheart rendering situation that you find the courage to understandthat you can recover -that you will recover.

It will be hard, but you must immediately and absolutely turnthe page on that chapter of your life.

You must quickly and absolutely sever all ties with thatperson - the one that has inflicted this pain upon you.

Get them out of your house. Get rid of all things that remindyou of them. Change your phone number.

If necessary, move into a new home or apartment.

Re-locate to another city.

You must put an immediate end to yourmarriage.

Once a man/woman has announced to you that he/she no longerwants you for a wife/husband, you have to start thinking aboutyour own survival.

It's going to be similar to losing a vital part of your body,but you must let go, and the sooner you do let go - completelyend that chapter of your life - the sooner you'll be able to setabout rebuilding your life and ultimately finding the happinessyou want.

Between the time that your husband announces the end of themarriage, and the time when you'll find new happiness, you'regoing to hurt like you've never dreamed possible.

You're going to go through a number of mental and emotionalphases - all of which are perfectly normal and necessary in orderfor you to "heal yourself" of this great hurt.

You'll never be able to enjoy love or attain true happiness untilyou have discharged the past from your system and healedyourself.

Think of all you're going through as a wound similar to a gashon your arm or leg.

It's going to hurt, and you're going to bleed, but with the propercare and time, you will recover.

You must understand that divorce is quite common - you're notalone nor going through anything that a lot of other people haven'texperienced - and that in order to "get well," you mustunderstand the nature of the wound, what to do in order to healit, and as much about the pre-requisites to total recovery aspossible.

At first, you'll probably deny that this is happening to you.

You may pretend that it's just a bad dream or some sort of badjoke he's pulling on you.

This type of thinking is normal, but it only prolongs the agonyof your hurt.

You must face the reality of the situation - accept the fact that your marriage is over - and get on with the task of finding happinessfor yourself, immediately.

You'll probably lay awake in bed at night and review "everyminute" of your marriage - thinking that in this or thatcircumstance, you could've been a better wife, and from therebeg for another chance.

You'll want to accept full responsibility - at least a big share ofthe guilt - for the problems that caused the break-up of yourmarriage.

These thoughts are only natural, but they cannot put your marriageback together, and any attempts to "try one more time," at thisstage will only cause you greater pain.

You must accept the fact that your marriage is over, and busyyour mind and yourself, with activities that don't allow you timeto "rehash" the events of the past. Don't allow yourself to dwellupon guilt feelings.

Just because your marriage is over doesn't mean that your lifeis over.

The earth is very big with billions of people and you mustbelieve that there are many other human beings out therewho will love to become your partner again.

Accept your own short-comings; vow that you will profit fromwhat you've experienced; and then get on with yourlife.

You'll never be comfortable with yourself, nor find realhappiness so long as you're dragging "guilt feelings" from yourpast around with you.

Somewhere along the way, you'll become so angry with yourex-husband - the world - and even God, that you'll be beyondyourself in your ability to express it all.

If you feel you need it, go for a therapy and counseling.

It will be necessary that you express this anger - to get it allout of your system -before you'll be able to "feel good" aroundmen again.

Anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your ownsense of hurt and frustration.

It's such a volatile and all-consuming emotion that unless yougive it an outlet, it will literally eat you alive.

Understand your anger, and manage it in a manner that willbenefit you - in such a way that your expressionof it is constructive to your regaining your emotional health.

A few things you might think about doing: write the completestory of your marriage for your kids,; how you met, yourdreams and hopes, the good and the bad, the sacrifices each ofyou made, and how - beyond either of your capabilities tocontrol - the marriage just came to an end... write inprecise detail exactly what is making you angry, and why.

Put it in letter form to your ex-husband and really tell himeverything that has been, and is bothering you.

Let him know that you are a person with wants and needs too.

Stand in front of a mirror and "rehearse" an angryconfrontation with your ex-husband and/or anyone else involved.

Make an appointment with your priest or minister; or find afriend who'll listen as you explain the frustration, hurt andfutility you feel.

Regardless of how you do it, it is an absolute necessity thatyou let it all out. This anger and bitterness you feel is like apoison that you must cleanse from your soul.

The sooner you get rid of it, the sooner you'll be able to get onwith your life -re-gain your mental health and position yourself for happiness.

Finally, there'll come a day when you'll no longer be botheredby thoughts of your ex-husband.

It won't even bother you when you see him with another woman,and that'll be the day when you've finally accepted the fact thatyour marriage to him is over.

You will have truly let go of him, and will be ready for anew try at happiness.

Your progress from being rejected by your husband (or wife)to acceptance of the fact that you don't want him (or here)if he/she doesn't want you, and positioning you for a secondchance, won't come easily.

It may take you about two and a half to three years.

You must understand the damage you've sustained, the healingthat's required, and the time it's going to take to get well.

May these insights into divorce and how to cope with it helpyou to re-discover yourself and sustain you for a better future.

Warmly,

I-key Benney

I-key, a Millionaire CEO from New York City is the creator of "Mscsrrr: Millionaire Secret Cash System", ( online commodity trading) program which has helped thousands of ordinary people from all over the world to attain financial security and shining success during the past 2 yrs.

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